remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
