I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
