please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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