Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
