I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Randomize
