I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
