I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
