I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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