Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
