Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
