this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
