I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Randomize
