She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
