can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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