my vag is so smooth its legendary
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
