I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
