Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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