YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
