I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
