i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Please don't give away my fajitas
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
