We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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