Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I cut my penus on the lid.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
