how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
