I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
