at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
