I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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