my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
