From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
