i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
