Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
