i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
