I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
