So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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