I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
