Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Randomize
