i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
