new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
