So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
