I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
