I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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