jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
