I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I queefed so loud it echoed.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
