Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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