just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
