good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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