I am puke
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
