if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Randomize
