I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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