Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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