As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
