i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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