One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Randomize
