You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
i need some magic done to my vagina
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
